Archive for the 'Fun' Category

Peter Passick was nice enough to put this picture together and send it to me with permission for me to post it. (Note: It’s black cherry with a swirl cut stamp.)

Anyone else like to send me your pictures to Rob@Tuckergunleather.com?

Thanks, Peter. Great pic! 

Wishes for You in 2008 :

May peace break into your house.

May thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires.

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.

May the problems you have forget your home address!

In simple words …………May 2008 be the best year of your life!!!

Rob

Tell my wife I want this for Christmas.

HOW GREAT IS TEXAS??!!!

Here is a list of actual places to travel in Texas.

Need to be cheered up?

Happy, Texas 79042
Pep , Texas 79353
Smiley , Texas 78159
Paradise , Texas 76073
Rainbow , Texas 76077
Sweet Home , Texas 77987
Comfort , Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun?
Sun City , Texas 78628
Sunrise , Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray , Texas 79086
Sunny Side , Texas 77423

Want something to eat?

Bacon , Texas 76301
Noodle , Texas 79536
Oatmeal , Texas 78605
Turkey , Texas 79261
Trout , Texas 75789
Sugar Land , Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice , Texas 75155
And top it off with: Sweetwater , Texas 79556

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!

Detroit , Texas 75436
Colorado City , Texas 79512
Denver City , Texas 79323
Nevada , Texas 75173
Memphis , Texas 79245
Miami , Texas 79059
Boston , Texas 75570
Santa Fe , Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony , Texas 75861
Reno , Texas 75462

Feel like traveling outside the country? Don’t bother
buying a plane ticket!

Athens , Texas 75751
Canadian , Texas 79014
China , Texas 7761 3
Egypt , Texas 77436
Turkey , Texas 79261
London , Texas 76854
New London , Texas 75682
Paris , Texas 75460
Italy not far from Dallas

No need to travel to Washington D.C.

Whitehouse , Texas 75791

We even have a city named after our planet!

Earth , Texas 79031

And a city named after our State!

Texas City , Texas 77590

Exhausted?

Energy , Texas 76452

Cold?

Blanket ,Texas
Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?

Santa Anna, Texas
Goliad, Texas
Alamo, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas

Need Office Supplies?

Staples , Texas 78670

Men are from Mars, woman are from

Venus , Texas 76084

You guessed it.. it’s on the state line..

Texline , Texas 79087

For the kids..

Kermit , Texas 79745
Elmo , Texas 75118
Nemo , Texas 76070
Tarzan , Texas 79783
Winnie , Texas 77665
Sylvester , Texas 79560

Other city names in Texas , to make you smile….. :

Frognot , Texas 75424
Bigfoot , Texas 78005
Hogeye , Texas 75423
Cactus , Texas 79013
Notrees , Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest , Texas 76886
Kickapoo , Texas 75763
Dime Box, Texas
Telephone , Texas 75488
Telegraph , Texas 76883
Whiteface , Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079
Valentine, Texas 79854
West, Texas

And last but not least. The Anti-Al Gore City

Kilgore , Texas 75662

‘Muleshoe’, Texas
‘Cut n shoot’, Texas
‘Hoop And Holler’, Texas
‘Ding Dong’, Texas

and don’t forget……
And get up at: Early, Texas

Farewell , Texas

HOW TO START EACH DAY ON A POSITIVE NOTE

1. Create a new file folder on your computer.

2. Name it  ‘Hillary Rodham Clinton.’

3. Drag it to the recycle bin.

4. Empty the recycle bin.

5. Your PC will ask you,

   “Do you really want to get rid of ‘Hillary Rodham Clinton’?”

6.  Firmly Click ‘Yes.’

7.  Feel better instantly.

Next week we’ll do Nancy Pelosi.

The Bill Clinton Memorial Fund Solicitation Letter

Dear Friends and and Acquaintences:
We have the distinguished honor of being on the
committee to raise $5,000,000.00 for a monument of
Bill Clinton .  We originally wanted to put him on
Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not
enough room for two additional faces.
 
We then decided to erect a statue of Bill Clinton in
the Washington D.C. Hall Of Fame.  We are having a
bit of difficulty as to where the statue should be
placed..  A committee felt it would not be proper to
place it beside the statue of George Washington,
who never told a lie, or beside Jesse Jackson, who
 never told the truth, since Bill Clinton could never
tell the difference.
 
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the
greatest Democrat of them all.  He left not knowing
where he was going, and when he got there he did not
know where he was.  He returned not knowing where he
had been,  and did it all on someone else’s money.
 
If you are one of the fortunate people who have
anything left after taxes, we expect a generous
contribution to this worthwhile project.
 
Thank you.
Bill Clinton Monument Committee
 
P.S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far.

P.P.S And another thing…..Now let me get this straight. 
Bill Clinton is getting $12 Million for his memoirs.
His wife Hillary got $8 million for hers.
That’s $20 million for memories from two people, who for eight
years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they
couldn’t remember anything.
 
God Bless America !

Two Different Versions!

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

————————————————————————-
MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green.’

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, ”We shall overcome.’ Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity for Grasshoppers Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY:  Be careful how you vote.

Tomato Millionaire:
 
An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day.

Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, “Well, then, that means that you virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night.

And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly.

After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pickuptruck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the internet from the very start!”

After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied, “Why, of course! I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft!”

Moral of this story:
 
1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.
2. If you don’t have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.
3. Since you got this story via e-mail, you’re probably closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire.
4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand & picked it up.

Suddenly, a female Genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, “Master, may I grant you one wish?”

Osama responded, “You ignorant, unworthy Daughter-of-a-dog!

Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything.”

The shocked Genie said, “Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.”

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, “Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.”

The annoyed Genie said, “So be it!” and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.